OCD and Online Romance Scam

OCD & Co.

Feb 21

You have probably heard about Catfishing – online scams that take advantage of people looking for love online. The scam is very simple. A scammer creates a fake online profile using a fake name and fake pictures. He usually claims to be deployed or working in a foreign country. When the scammer starts talking to you, he or she will go to great lengths to gain your trust and tell you everything you want to hear. The scammer will tell you how beautiful and desirable you are and how much they love you. They will send you love poems and songs (usually stolen from other web sites). They will start making plans for your future together and talk about meeting in person.

At some point, the scammer will usually ask you to send them a small sum of money claiming that they are in an emergency situation. By that time, you feel that you know and trust this person and the amount of money is very small, so you are happy to help them out. After all, this is your soulmate and you plan to spend the rest of your life with them. This is usually just the first request and is soon followed by increasingly frequent and escalating requests for more money. If you start hesitating to send the money, the scammer becomes more persistent and will make you feel guilty for abandoning them in a difficult situation. And if you do send the money, then yet another request is sure to follow.

The more you invest in this “relationship” both emotionally and financially, the more you are likely to continue in it, as it always seems that only a tiny, little last obstacle remains that separates you from finally meeting the love of your life. You feel like you are just one money transfer away from your life of happiness with your soulmate.

As you are reading this, you are probably thinking smugly that this can never happen to you and only naïve, gullible people can fall for this scam. You would for sure identify the red flags early on and just say “no” to the scammer’s sneaky methods.

But isn’t this exactly how you fall prey to OCD’s demands time after time? Your OCD is pretending to be your friend, whose goal is to protect you from danger or distress. If only you do what it tells you, just this one time – you will feel so much better, you and your loved ones will be safe, and you’ll be able to continue with your day. Just this one time. Just this one ritual. If you try not to comply, OCD becomes increasingly persistent and increasingly loud. And when you do comply, then it’s a matter of a very short time until it asks you for something else.

Your best chance to avoid becoming the victim of a scam is to never send money to somebody you’ve never met in person. The more persistent they become and the more pressure they apply, the more it should be clear that this person does not have your best interest in heart. You can’t avoid the scammer’s emails, texts, calls, and messages, but you can continue with your life regardless of them, not succumbing to the scammer’s demands.

Why not take a similar approach in responding to OCD’s conniving ways? By now, you know very well how it operates. The more strategies you implement with the goal of avoiding the feeling of discomfort, the stickier OCD thoughts become. You can’t really control these thoughts and feelings because it’s impossible. But, you can live your life and do the things that matter to you in spite of these thoughts and feelings.

Will the scammer’s or OCD’s demands go away? They may. Or they may not, as scammers can be very persistent. When you stop engaging with them, though, you stop being their prisoner and can refocus on the things that matter in your real (not imaginary) life.

OCD treatment involves understanding how OCD keeps tricking you and learning to refuse to obey it. This treatment is called ERP – Exposure with Response Prevention (which is a part of CBT – Cognitive Behavioral Therapy). It is often combined with ACT – Acceptance and Commitment Therapy for increased effectiveness. When you engage in ERP and ACT, you learn to face triggering thoughts, feelings, urges, and situations without engaging in compulsions (that is, without accommodating OCD’s demands). The treatment is very effective and can be life-changing for OCD sufferers.

Enough with the scammers. It’s time to stop listening to their demands and reclaim your life!

Has OCD been trying to scam you too? Share your story in the comments below!

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To learn more about anxiety and effective ways of dealing with it in the long-term, read our anxiety blog.

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Anna Prudovski is a Psychologist and the Clinical Director of Turning Point Psychological Services. She has a special interest in treating anxiety disorders and OCD, as well as working with parents.

Anna lives with her husband and children in Vaughan, Ontario. When she is not treating patients, supervising clinicians, teaching CBT, and attending professional workshops, Anna enjoys practicing yoga, going on hikes with her family, traveling, studying Ayurveda, and spending time with friends. Her favorite pastime is reading.